The Good Son

Speak not my name
It's just more of the same
This game
Where you beat me.

"It's not about you"
Then why throw threats
Of never again to set
My eyes on you.

And now I turn the tide
And change the rhyme
You will never see me
I decree
To exclude you from my life
Eliminate this strife
And effect my guard
Remove the shard
From my heart
That is you
And what you have done.

How dare you come to me
Reckless and heartless
Without respect and less
Than was ever demanded of me
From you.

Had I done what you have done
You would have no son
As you do now
With one stepping off and gone
Running away from the thing he became
Without his fix, just himself to blame.

And me, who never was a bother
Always quiet and subdued
Just wanted love
Like all children do

So now there is pain
And I will NOT take the shame
That you created
When you stopped remembering
That you were a father first
And not a friend who thirsts
For some connection
And affection.

So now it's final
Take me off your dial
For I no longer care
For this life to share
With you removing the rusty saw
From my heart, and every change to naw
At who I am and what I want
Add this to your final thought

FUCK OFF!!

Look, over there
Over your shoulder
There he is
The beast grows closer
Carrying on
Around your head
Whispering things
Better left unsaid
He surrounds you,
In the corner
Long, sharp wings
And a nine-inch boner.
Your screams erupt and fade,
As your soul is torn from your body.
And your spirit burns to ashes
Nice 'n tidy.

You wake in your bed,
Seemingly safe
But you rise to see at the window
The escaping wraith...

9.9.94

The Deli Cult

by me & K.A.L. to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" theme song:

Here's the story of C_______ S______
Who worked at the deli slash group home
He met Mike Fry and then he got high
Mike getting the youngest of the girls

Here's the sotry
Of a girl named K________
Who had really satanic looking nails
She two friends
Besides her boobs
Who both were blonde

Until one day when K_______ met S__________
And they knew that it was much more than a cult.

That this group
Would some how form a rehab
That's the way that we bacame the Deli Cult.

The Deli Cult 2x

With a tenderness I've never known before
You strut into my life
With a gaze I'venever travelled to before
You declare your realm
With a heart I've never known before
You fold me in your love

Tremendous and glorious things were built
Your generosity and essence are true
Swimming secretly in the cove of our existence
Shedding the leeches to our love

Consigned to eachothers trembling arms.
Our worries crumble so.
Trouncing fear, disabling doubt
Casting cravings towards our own pallettes.

We've travelled long and far
The place where our discoveries break
New Ground within us
And serve to feed the thirst
Of our parched dragon hearts

Never as before, has one been so close.
Never has the plain of experience been so vast
Our circles intertwined, we extend to the heavens
Our wings rising up, exhanging a glance.
Before we ascend.

5.2.00

It's all death now
It seems to be
"There's really no one left"
Just me
Drawn straight and narrow
Like a great, big bow.
Ready to assail the punch
And enact the throw
Who wants to be God today??
"Not me," I say.
I was God yesterday.
It's getting passe.
I destroyed and pilaged
It was all I could do
Then I care and love
And I fooled them all - even YOU
I struck the pain
I did in deed
Before, I was raped
And now sow dark seed.
So now all there is...is pain.
And no way to make it rain.
I dwell in the morn
And look for the grey
Of the quiet time
In the beginning of the day.
Chaos quiets then
And the Earth stands still
But my writings go on
To make you ill.

11.9.94

Yelling and screaming as I screech away
See you, spend the day
Looking at you in that way
The way I used to

Trying to scrub you out of my soul
Our former life took its full toll.
What sweet sorrow my heart stole, once more
Why are you here...

My silent frustration
My soundless elation
To have you look at me once more
Feeling our mutual desolation.

My heart crying out for you to be fine
That you may not see the true state of mine
My eyes crowded with tears
My fingers quake with fears
As my heart mouths, "I love you"
....over and over.

The day is over and then you leave
No further communion with I receive
As to why love as just not enough
And holding our bridges together was so tough.

I wish you happiness, I truly do
Behind my blank stare, to satisfy you
That I am the bad man, to all that witness
So you can grant my first wish, for your whole happiness.

12.1.01

So what do I do from here?? the fucking question of my freedom which is my restless ghost. Seems like everybody's got a plan, a direction. People I talk to say pick a direction. Why?? Why can't you be in two different places at once. What is it?? They only let you ride the merry-go-round in you were one color. As humans we are many things to different people. Why czn't our existence be a multitude of dimension and representations. Is it people's lack of belief in your sincerity if you do not focus on the issue they care about?? Sounds like politics. And why do we do the things we do?? For ourselves or for others. Or for other to make ourselves feel better??
The other night I saw a woman of great conviction stand in front and plaster the air with smudges of description. Does she go home and doubt herself?? Don't know. She left before I could ask her.

5/00

Dear Dark-Haired Girl,

Writing to you seems absurd. You are fantasy. You are dream. You are fleeting. I wonder if some day you and I shall meet to talk. Though I know not what we would speak about. I would ask who you are and why you appeared to me. Many pragmatic and dramatic things come from silence. Introspection for one, the wordless dialogue springs forth to was over change and reason.
Why do you appear to me?? Who are you and should I fear?? All my life you have seen fit to reveal yourself in small ways. And always through the window of dreams.
So strange is this reflection. For you are a whisper and a ghost. And yet I wanted to write to you. I'm not sure you would be that which I expect, but I find myself curtailing my writing in small ways to fit the addressee. But you, I know nothing of you and so it is easier.
And you have not a name...

[unfinished]

5/00

Circles Upon Circles

As you open your eyes to see the ky's haze
Squnting in slight discomfort, through your gaze
Comes the morn of fuzziness, the break of day
The wind whispers comfort, the clouds gently say,
"There's no rush today, there is no need of fright.,
"For we are here to merely ferry you, to the point of night."

[And on the fringes of the week, this is so true
The day is me coiled in my bed, thinking of you]

And then comes the night, which rises as you eat
The swift but cascading shadows, crawling up your feet
So you spring out into the night with laughter and propulsion
Taking in fully the smells, the sights and the alchemy of emotion
To Swallow and Inhale are the goals of the eve without fear.
And leaves to chance that the smearing night will end in touch or tear.

The day is lit again, coinciding with the charge of reality
And so you lay your bed, covers over your head, srunched-up,
eyes closed in defiance of it's banality.

9.12.98

Tonight as I sit by a dying light
A man will pick a fight with a child

Later, just before dawn
Soldiers of an empty cause will forever fall
while their unseen offspring is born

On the way home, mid-afternoon
One less little girl, chosen victim, will vanish.
gone

During the day, old men in suits will say
Thay if you're gay, you aren't
Capable of love, not in that way.

As the sun sets, you can bet that
The screws get put to the poor
Single moms can't make rent no more.

Inlicensed abortion doctors, gang violence
Citizens huddle about the trash fire, debt climbin' higher
Reality?? Quesitonable.

What do I do -
What do you do -
What do we do -

Spinning in the dark
I think of her
Thoughs launch in the dark
And the beyond and the beauty
come to me.

I fly between the setting sun
and the twilight
The landscape of my mind
pulses with life

She is smoke
She is rumor
Her hand across my chest
Radiating hear and thought.
I scream silently
Hurricanes enrage my neurons
And enlightment descends

the dream so healing realized
the cascade of healing pouring
over jme
Stumbling over the threshold of happiness
Into my fondest wish
Gently shoving passed my disbelief
Crying to the sky
For that which is complete...

To Crazy Jess

You were the best, oh Crazy Jess
Rockin' your rocket "the Tiggeroo"
And my spirits too

The wind was a competitor
The smoke a faithful friend
Out rides were our chariots
To jetison the Within

We lay seige to social keeps
Wasted entire hordes
Your beauty seduced the chaste
My minds unlaced their harms

And, Crazy Jess, we tore away
The veneers of Nalerie and Valentino
Only there was nothing underneath
Just you, me & vino.

Lost to me, you are so well
For I let go the comet's tail
The better to avoid the impact, the kill
But oh heavily sung victories we had,
dead Jess
And towards the heavens you have fled.

The first light at night
Come so far, swinging
Through the tunnel, beyong the jungle
Screams to beat the band

It the tenor, responsibility
Soprano, the lute of love
Alto, admonishing responsibility
And bass, the devil in my face

Life creeps up through the spine
Hand clenched toward the Devine
With the pain of living

"What do I do??"
"Who am I??"

And then my eyes and breath
Are taken from me
In the middle of the night
"It can't happen to me,"
"I fight the good fight"

But it's all too real
Broken noses, and slashed hearts.
There are only so many to count
Before darkness comes again.

Drinking Toast I

To Desiree the Tattler
To Mary the Witch
To Chrissy the Harlot
To Antonia the Grinch
To Ole Raina the Tale Tella'
To Tina the Rich
To Chrissy the Harlot
And to Glynda the Lovely

Drink up ye one
Drink up ye all
Before one more of these
Comes to the door
They'll take yer money
They'll take yer time
But don't ever let 'em
Take you blessed wine

For you best be sharin'
With all those fine women.
For they be the best of the best.
Come through for ya, scrag the rest.

So drink ye long
And drink ye much
And remember good to give the good wine
To that loyal and delightful bunch.

Prayer Before Bed

And my evening prayer is this
Good night my little OMMMS, sleep well
Today I live, and to-morrow may I still
Friends and family all blessings assured
That we all rise to greet the Sun when stirred.

To those who travel to the West
Good journey to you
Your home is now our hearts
We'll see you soon.

The food we ate, and the wine we drank
The debt we owe, and the chance we take
Are nothing at all, without our faith

Blessed be.

5/17/05

Conrad's forgotten

You stare at me
From far away
You stare at me
How does this work exaclty-

I look over and see the dark eyes
The lush jungle of your life
Undulates and lets parrots fly
There is a tiger patrolling for strife.

I'm no great hunter
Very far from that
And in these sacred places
I've my waters fill

The dark mountains carrying the mist of wisdom
Mystic eyes as rainbows of insight's sky
Captured stillness in the cool pools of thought
And just beyond the canopy the inviting unknown.

The exploration just begun
As I come undone
And law down next to the trees
For all creatures to see
And return by closing my eyes
To rejoin the skies
Carried by parrot cries

Four of Diamond

There was once a woman
Who lived as she pleased
and when i met this woman
Many things I did see

She danced around the fire
Naked as could be
And when I met her she smirked
And said, "come dance with me"

Seems like I meet
A lot of women like that
But I have forgotten how to dance
I've gotten complacent and fat

So when I meet a woman
Who puts fire in my brain
I stammer and stutter and flutter something fierce
And walk away in shame

For my empire used to be great
And I ruled for what seemed forever.
And one foot in exile is what I have now
Will I be free of this scar, never.

What shall I accomplish??
What shall I do now??
For now I builds those very fires
Which those women dance around.

And I watch them dance and watch them sing
Naked are they for all to see
But very few, if any have said,
"Come dance with me"

And now I think that I may just turn
Those tables of fables made around the big burn
For I think next time, the bodies move towards me
I shall extend me hand and slyly say, "Come dance with me"

Soup to Self

I.
I'm not gonna bite ya
Not yet anyway

Can't figure it out
The echoes that you say

They whisper and float
Once they leave your throat
And stay with me all day

II.
Fabulous round nebulas of thought
Are what comes to me in the dark
But revealing the veil of you seems daunting

I drink of the possibility and wonder
If I could be that way

Too much to ponder, too much to escape
So much to break through
I don't bet on myself too too often

Rising to crouch over the city of my mind
I can't help but feel the frustraiton inside.
And it's only small and my doubt races by -
"What will I do, when this well runs dry??"

III.

Reprise that which falls from my eyes
Into the bowl of eloquence
And think, "I am more than this..."
"Why have I not become so??"

Pain in my heart
The salve of time works slowly
And this is the way it should be??
To invite and nurture this turmoil ??
Like taking my first steps.

IV.
Closing with resolution
Is always my way
To come full circle
Can this be the only way to end my day and never again speak names
of things and people which evoke me -
The train of revolution is leaving the station...
Did I buy my ticket??

Twinkle Fear

Note: You can kind of sing this toSublime's"Smoke Two Joints". I would try it with and without it.

when the stars go out in the moring
i go to sleep afraid
when the stars go out in the morning
i awake to find the day

when the stars go out in the morning
i can't help be afraid
that when i go to sleep
and count 'dem sheep
the stars won't be here today.

when the stars go out in the morning
i work my ass to shreds
when the stars go out in the morning
can't seem to leave my bed

when the stars go out in the morning
there's only one thought there
that i will be with you and the blue moon too
feel your breath and the way you croon
And wish through a thousand kisses that you'd stay

when the stars go out in the morning
i can't help be afraid
that there won't be stars at night no more
that you won't return like the night before
and my whole world will go astray.

when the stars come out at night
i breathe a lasting sigh
because my blanket of comfort
and my lady of love for
have returned to me again.