crow feathers

feathered farewell

2005-06-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

lifting the leather of my wings
i move into position.
seeing the wind approach
hearing it's faithful unstoppable voice
my murder calls from behind
and wish me well
i head towards the sun
the clouds point the way
and all i have
from here on out
is today.

2005-06-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

So fucking stupid. To bring out this coffin once more and perform the rite to raise these bones which were better off dead asleep. To wrap them back in flesh and send them out to build. But no, drag them into the light to scream and fight for something and care about the air which is breathed.
I can think of no other reason why these pictures were hung for me to look at in the middle of the forest with fires underneath them. Threatening.
Could these fires be progress??
Could these fires scorch and cook the flesh??
And here I stand with this look on my face, a firetender of old, I am. I am the I am, s/d T. Over and over the mantra to push through my head, righting the capsized boat of my mind.
Long ago, there was not this and long ago there was worse. And this is where I stand, with this look on my face. Deer in the headlights of Destiny's hearse. Motherfuckers.

2005-06-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

you all just dumb
you're not havin any fun
because i got some
joy in my life and in my heart
it's time to start
livin' and if not they get on dying
cuz i don't need you in my face
telling me i have to keep pace
with the life you chose
as we go nose to nose
about my future
that you say i'll never reach you
get in my way
and push me and say
that it'll aways be
just some excuse to me
and leave it to be unfettered
what could be better??
to be left alone
and not listen to you moan
about your existence
so ridiculous
and frustrating
with you not competeing
to better yourself and make your life you own
to smile big, jump high instead of groan
at what you've become
nothing but a gnome
to some chum who knows less
considered the picture of sucess
yes here we, you and me
it's time to see
that we can grow and mutate
think large and contemplate
then act and stack
the money we earn and rack
the hapiness we seek
among our people the meek
and show them that it is a tangible thing
to rise and start enjoying
this thing we call life, only given once
and without ANY assurance
that we can make it into anything
and become just what we are - human beings.

6.23.05

Lady of the Moon I

2005-06-14T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sit here with me
Whilst I cry
Look at me
With your tender eye

Kiss my lips
Soft and deep
For silence of this moment
We must forever keep

Exchange the tender words of new
For I cannot see passed this vision of you.

Is this a hopeless cause??
Am I doomed to fail??
Will I end in disgrace and torment
My heart an eternal wait??

Why take the cahnce??
Why take the risk??
The answer is you
Who makes my heartbeat brisk

It is your voice, Woman of the Moon
It is your face
It is you very being
Which I hope to behold soon.

1/21/97

Lady of the Moon II

2005-06-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Take my heart
It's all I have left
Take my heart
I do not want the rest

I can be
No more than I am
I long to praise you
The perils be damned

Hold you close to me
Evey now and again
Conveniently kissing
Through excusable emotional stain

Throw me to the wall
For I will not back away
From your outstretched hand
Or soft request to stay

Still, the greatest joy
I have ever known
Is walking with you and the Sun
When the birds' songs finish
Before they've flown.

-1/21/97

Lady of the Moon III

2005-06-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

I sit in the candlelit dark
and wonder
Do thoughts of me come to you
to grow fonder??

I must confess-
Do my thoughts obsess??
Do I carry my father's geneWhich bequeath the need to possess??
Or am I simply wanting your caress??

Alas I do not believe these thoughts to be true
For that which holds, are my feelings for you.

-1/21/97

Lady of the Moon IV

2005-06-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

Dance with me
Lady of the Moon
Dance with me, m'lady
To an endless tune
A tune of merriment
A tune of wonder
Amidst the rainstorm
Filled with soothing thunder

Your eyes carry the new moon
They carry a glimpse of your soul
Enveloped in opaque cocoons
May I not know your absence soon

The music feed the soul and the heart yet clouds the head
Melodic fairies whisper ancient secret
Who in turn admonish the mind
That nothing be said.

The rain endlessly tumbles down
Drenching us in its sovereign way
Sending comforting sounds of thunder
To rumble our fears of separation away

Ans so m'lady
I return to bed
My dream is down on paper
It's now time to rest my head

-1/21/97

Lady of the Moon V

2005-06-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

Lady of the Moon V

Into the night
Wishing to end
Thoughts of soft sleep
With my beautiful friend

I looking into her eyes
Not knowing what to say
Talking simply through my sighs
Keeping my feelings to myself

And now quiet is what our friendship needs
The disappointments within she'll never know
As we move towards those shining deeds
Which shall nurture our laughter and help it grow.

-1/23/97

There's Nothing On This Page

2005-06-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is all there is
On this one page
There is not blood
There is no rage
There are no eyes
Looking through you
But there's all these lines
Drawn straight and blue

You look at this page
And say, "This poem sucks!!"
And I'll think that's nice.
Cuz I don't care about you fucks.

There are those I love
There are those I hate
But life seems to suck
And death seems great.
Feelings are there
Without saying a word
And they bubble forth
When you see a bird

And as you drift
Onto this stage
Just remember that there's still nothing
On this page.

-9/9/94

Shed

2005-06-10T08:22:00.001-07:00

The sand.
A new movement comes over me
A symphony of death with indifference.
Clean, done, thoughts, unmoved eyes, watching.
The mind's eye folded from both
Recording the onslaught before me as I deal using the new raw data inside me.
It's an eloquent symphony.

Composed by those who watch and those who listen
To things almost unheard in the passing day.
With the unspoken, knowledge is commuted in harmony with the unseen.
Mysticism decends.

We watch all things never brought to the masses to be discarded and forgotten.

-11/10/96

2005-06-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Mocking me, the giant murderers
Spitting on me, they cry on
Pulling me
Slicing me, cutting me open
These giant murderers
Leathery sounds rise as my skin separates
As the giant murderers cut on
Warmth spews streaks on the floor
As the giant murderers cut on
Opening me
Poking me, prying me loose.
As the giant murderers cut on.

-6/30/94

Flush

2005-06-10T08:21:00.002-07:00

Taste the acid on your tongue
Watch it burn through your bones
Cry our in pain, delight in ecstacy

I will destroy you
You are my dewath
I hold nothing back
I shall suffocate you.

I cry to the moon
With the sacrificial knife
Praying to forgotten gods
"Give me justice tonight!!"

You sleep alone in your bed
The darkness loathes all around
I creep into your future tomb
There is no sound

I slit your throat and take your heart for fun.
I drink all your blood
I leave no mess when I'm done

-7/5/95

Mitosis

2005-06-10T08:21:00.001-07:00

I need to be happy
Without it i remain black
Until the day i die

I need her to be happy
She guards the light
Which lifts me from this lie

I can't be happy
Forces move against me.
My dark protection fades

I can't be happy
Without her, misery rises
And suicide efforts become my days.

Chorus
There's not way out
I could just cry
There is not answer
The only way is to die

I'm torn between the fear, the hate
I'm torn between the love, the light
Trying to choose black or white
In a world of grey

-5/30/95

2005-06-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

You misplace insincerity
On my heart and words
I've tried to let you know
That I care beyond these soft borders

But we know not of each other
So much as of this now
Yet pass along my child, Time
And we shall be closer then

We cannot tell stories together
As there are no tales to tell
Just I who believes you to be beautiful
From sight and words, til sweet smell.

So until that day
When you believe me true
My friend you shall stay
My pledge to you.

Conjure I

2005-06-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

dear ______________
close my heart
the night doth wroght
you to my side
on the ride of this black stallion
called time

i close my eyes and see
so many things which include possiblity

and riding on the cloud of discovery
the two of us
above all roguery

the tune of towns below
drunken townies too and frow blow like sails and clothes.

and in this melee of interpersonal alchemy
can we truly see
the philosphoer's stone
within theheart of eachother.
look deep into my eyes as i touch your thighs
and tell you the delightful feel
of your completed wax

i bow my head in silence
lighting candles to your reverence
behold you have brought light to my life
and i sit here as we wait for the bus of strife
to attend our worried heads
and fretful self-destructive need for beginnings.

Conjure II

2005-06-10T06:43:00.000-07:00

Up to the night like the owl
Down to the eartrh like the worm
As above, so below
It is you that I know
Whom will walk with me forever.

Silly it sounds
For you to be found
On the arm of this Dark One called me.

Daydreaming for days
Our cards and best faces we play
but yet the real us shines through

Will the mist and veil of tomorrow lift
To behold the promise of our fated kiss??
Only so many outcomes are allowed
And to the moon is sent the howl.

Conjure III

2005-06-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

________, will this ever end.
My enamorement of you
Which seems too true
and more than just my friend

In strange land, two strangers
cross the land in the only band
that they know, from the unknown
to the known of eachother.

We have begun across this desert.
in search of wisdom and the russert.
and is it there??
i know not where, but you do

And what will you do, when the crop fails to yield
when the words pour not forth
Over your vision, the field.
Will this still hold for you the same meaning you know
As it did before this scrutiny, a moment ago

Attaching importance to these compilations
Ruminations have power you s/d
But where would they get this- the filling station??
For I believe it is we that gives them current
So the outcome can form into reassurance.

So i don't know how important it is.
that i use this or that
To mind my own biz and turn things to scat.

but here i am __________
as ripe as could be
for you to see
straight inside me.

and whether or not
i run this track true.
there not a lot to say
Except ________________

Uppercut

2005-06-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

To the horrid creature who is now lying quiet
For tests thus given you receive no kiss
Me things of spells to raise a riot
And throw your bare of bones into the Abyss
Your resting place is near few happy trees
Under a rumbling sky in the days of June
Your eyes will shrival up like little peas
So shall your skin (it corrodes like a prune)
Your unopen eyes no longer crystal
And through your heart shall pass a metal par
Shall not the winds of mercy lend a pistol
So strumming silver strings on one guitar
And person none over your death have brooded
Your role in this grand life has been concluded.

11.12.95

2005-06-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

The wind blows in my ear
Tossing seduction by nature to my psyche
All things left unsaid
The realm we go to, barren of thought and effort
The place beneath ourselves
Shying away from traditional symbolism
We try to grasp the new meaning, the new principle.

Achieving perfection of the soul is your goal
Walking along stone pathways on your knees.
Waiting for the subtle-free sign of deliverance to fall into your lap
The amusing belief is that you didn't need wander
You didn't need move.

Prejudice

2005-06-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

I said to the dead man smiling at me
"How do you do??"
He sat, but grinning with missing teeth
And did not reply, "Not bad, and you??"
I fondled his ribs
Now vagrant and hollow
And stuffed marbles in his mouth
To see if he still swallowed
Oh curious am I
About death and its shadow
But boring is the life
All gentle and mellow
My interests range from the verse
Which may be missing all reason
And of women and wine
Of which change with season
And so I turn
To the cold grey stone
Underneath the coffee grind dirt
Staring at half-eaten flesh and bleach white bone.
(Finding some old headless crone)

2005-06-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

blue feather, blue feather
where have you fallen??
to another's dorr
who cannot possibly appreciate you
at all
i wish you back
i want you back
to float in my life once more

but i know your master, the wind
will not keep you within
my reach.
and to it all i continue to see you fall
while obeying the master
out of my reach...

Atop

2005-06-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

[this most excellent image was pilfered from CuDbh.com, which has many more enticing images on it]

There she is.
Upon the rock of my heart
And I look at her, beauty afar.
Her hair shades long, her eyes aglow.
The stillness of decision in her posture,
The resolve of confirmed existence in her face.

Revealing everything in mumbles
She drinks unpronouncable champagne
"Japan and Peru are throwing their chocolates at you"
And she catches the overhanded throw.

My heart has begun to grow wild flowers again
The buds shaking off sleep and receive the unfamiliar sun.
She gets off my heart, respecting the growth and points to the corona
"I'm thinkin' a road trip is in order."
Arms spread downward, eyes closed the earth recedes
Her hair winks in the wind and i follow due north the course

Chocolate can be delivered
Champagne can be made
A road trip is undertaken
And my heart grows life again.

Soft Close

2005-06-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

We have a crush to avoid the rush
of being in love with a stranger.
like we always do
out of the blue
and into the light from the dark.

I will not deny her appeal
and intent to reveal
a larger world to me
and allow me to be
myself.

The promise is just, the cause be true
this mutual smile and smirk, between me and you.
never thought I'd be here
seem so lucky to be here
with your dark eyes, staring for the millionth time
you close me, and I hold you close to me.

Prometheus' Sister

2005-06-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

You are Prometheus' sister

You learned the ancient trick
A brother taught you well

How to steal fire from the gods
You swore never to tell.

Capturing and crafting rectangular beauty
Forming words into embracing landscapes and enviable moments.

With this power you draw open your curtain to your world.
So vast and full of wonder.
I look and see the indescribable beauty
Mixed with distant thunder.
And slowly, tenderly, each step illuminates the next.
Toward to-morrow and the next revelation.

For you are Prometheus' sister
Destined to light the world
With the gift of inspiration

You trotter the globe
And never reach home
You sustain the cycle of death and rebirth

For it is what we have in common - paradox
light and dark, candle with shadow

2:22 a noche

2005-06-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

___, why are you in my head??
Because now is time
When your heart shares mine
In the stars above

You call me from afar
How touched was I
Realizing that we’re sharing the same sky.
Once again, this night.

In the dry night
We have yet to fight
Finding the courage to reach
To the unknown
A voice, like pocketing a stone
of hope

And late at night
I sit here missing your voice
Still in stillness

Trying to find the thread of thought
To undo what I've been taught
That my heart hurts me will not stop
Until I let go of all that came before you.

So in the midst of self-doubt
I look around for your smile
And think you are not that far away
After all.

I'm yawning but not tired
I'm yearning and too tired.
Trying to find my path and heal
From phantom wounds that seem so real.

It feels good, to have a crush
Someone I can be a mush
at 2:22 in the morning.

The Good Son

2005-05-31T06:17:00.000-07:00

Speak not my name
It's just more of the same
This game
Where you beat me.

"It's not about you"
Then why throw threats
Of never again to set
My eyes on you.

And now I turn the tide
And change the rhyme
You will never see me
I decree
To exclude you from my life
Eliminate this strife
And effect my guard
Remove the shard
From my heart
That is you
And what you have done.

How dare you come to me
Reckless and heartless
Without respect and less
Than was ever demanded of me
From you.

Had I done what you have done
You would have no son
As you do now
With one stepping off and gone
Running away from the thing he became
Without his fix, just himself to blame.

And me, who never was a bother
Always quiet and subdued
Just wanted love
Like all children do

So now there is pain
And I will NOT take the shame
That you created
When you stopped remembering
That you were a father first
And not a friend who thirsts
For some connection
And affection.

So now it's final
Take me off your dial
For I no longer care
For this life to share
With you removing the rusty saw
From my heart, and every change to naw
At who I am and what I want
Add this to your final thought

FUCK OFF!!

2005-05-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Look, over there
Over your shoulder
There he is
The beast grows closer
Carrying on
Around your head
Whispering things
Better left unsaid
He surrounds you,
In the corner
Long, sharp wings
And a nine-inch boner.
Your screams erupt and fade,
As your soul is torn from your body.
And your spirit burns to ashes
Nice 'n tidy.

You wake in your bed,
Seemingly safe
But you rise to see at the window
The escaping wraith...

9.9.94

The Deli Cult

2005-05-20T10:55:00.002-07:00

by me & K.A.L. to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" theme song:

Here's the story of C_______ S______
Who worked at the deli slash group home
He met Mike Fry and then he got high
Mike getting the youngest of the girls

Here's the sotry
Of a girl named K________
Who had really satanic looking nails
She two friends
Besides her boobs
Who both were blonde

Until one day when K_______ met S__________
And they knew that it was much more than a cult.

That this group
Would some how form a rehab
That's the way that we bacame the Deli Cult.

The Deli Cult 2x

2005-05-20T10:55:00.001-07:00

With a tenderness I've never known before
You strut into my life
With a gaze I'venever travelled to before
You declare your realm
With a heart I've never known before
You fold me in your love

Tremendous and glorious things were built
Your generosity and essence are true
Swimming secretly in the cove of our existence
Shedding the leeches to our love

Consigned to eachothers trembling arms.
Our worries crumble so.
Trouncing fear, disabling doubt
Casting cravings towards our own pallettes.

We've travelled long and far
The place where our discoveries break
New Ground within us
And serve to feed the thirst
Of our parched dragon hearts

Never as before, has one been so close.
Never has the plain of experience been so vast
Our circles intertwined, we extend to the heavens
Our wings rising up, exhanging a glance.
Before we ascend.

5.2.00

2005-05-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

It's all death now
It seems to be
"There's really no one left"
Just me
Drawn straight and narrow
Like a great, big bow.
Ready to assail the punch
And enact the throw
Who wants to be God today??
"Not me," I say.
I was God yesterday.
It's getting passe.
I destroyed and pilaged
It was all I could do
Then I care and love
And I fooled them all - even YOU
I struck the pain
I did in deed
Before, I was raped
And now sow dark seed.
So now all there is...is pain.
And no way to make it rain.
I dwell in the morn
And look for the grey
Of the quiet time
In the beginning of the day.
Chaos quiets then
And the Earth stands still
But my writings go on
To make you ill.

11.9.94

2005-05-20T10:54:00.001-07:00

Yelling and screaming as I screech away
See you, spend the day
Looking at you in that way
The way I used to

Trying to scrub you out of my soul
Our former life took its full toll.
What sweet sorrow my heart stole, once more
Why are you here...

My silent frustration
My soundless elation
To have you look at me once more
Feeling our mutual desolation.

My heart crying out for you to be fine
That you may not see the true state of mine
My eyes crowded with tears
My fingers quake with fears
As my heart mouths, "I love you"
....over and over.

The day is over and then you leave
No further communion with I receive
As to why love as just not enough
And holding our bridges together was so tough.

I wish you happiness, I truly do
Behind my blank stare, to satisfy you
That I am the bad man, to all that witness
So you can grant my first wish, for your whole happiness.

12.1.01

2005-05-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

So what do I do from here?? the fucking question of my freedom which is my restless ghost. Seems like everybody's got a plan, a direction. People I talk to say pick a direction. Why?? Why can't you be in two different places at once. What is it?? They only let you ride the merry-go-round in you were one color. As humans we are many things to different people. Why czn't our existence be a multitude of dimension and representations. Is it people's lack of belief in your sincerity if you do not focus on the issue they care about?? Sounds like politics. And why do we do the things we do?? For ourselves or for others. Or for other to make ourselves feel better??
The other night I saw a woman of great conviction stand in front and plaster the air with smudges of description. Does she go home and doubt herself?? Don't know. She left before I could ask her.

5/00

2005-05-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Dark-Haired Girl,

Writing to you seems absurd. You are fantasy. You are dream. You are fleeting. I wonder if some day you and I shall meet to talk. Though I know not what we would speak about. I would ask who you are and why you appeared to me. Many pragmatic and dramatic things come from silence. Introspection for one, the wordless dialogue springs forth to was over change and reason.
Why do you appear to me?? Who are you and should I fear?? All my life you have seen fit to reveal yourself in small ways. And always through the window of dreams.
So strange is this reflection. For you are a whisper and a ghost. And yet I wanted to write to you. I'm not sure you would be that which I expect, but I find myself curtailing my writing in small ways to fit the addressee. But you, I know nothing of you and so it is easier.
And you have not a name...

[unfinished]

5/00

Circles Upon Circles

2005-05-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

As you open your eyes to see the ky's haze
Squnting in slight discomfort, through your gaze
Comes the morn of fuzziness, the break of day
The wind whispers comfort, the clouds gently say,
"There's no rush today, there is no need of fright.,
"For we are here to merely ferry you, to the point of night."

[And on the fringes of the week, this is so true
The day is me coiled in my bed, thinking of you]

And then comes the night, which rises as you eat
The swift but cascading shadows, crawling up your feet
So you spring out into the night with laughter and propulsion
Taking in fully the smells, the sights and the alchemy of emotion
To Swallow and Inhale are the goals of the eve without fear.
And leaves to chance that the smearing night will end in touch or tear.

The day is lit again, coinciding with the charge of reality
And so you lay your bed, covers over your head, srunched-up,
eyes closed in defiance of it's banality.

9.12.98

2005-05-18T05:29:00.001-07:00

Tonight as I sit by a dying light
A man will pick a fight with a child

Later, just before dawn
Soldiers of an empty cause will forever fall
while their unseen offspring is born

On the way home, mid-afternoon
One less little girl, chosen victim, will vanish.
gone

During the day, old men in suits will say
Thay if you're gay, you aren't
Capable of love, not in that way.

As the sun sets, you can bet that
The screws get put to the poor
Single moms can't make rent no more.

Inlicensed abortion doctors, gang violence
Citizens huddle about the trash fire, debt climbin' higher
Reality?? Quesitonable.

What do I do -
What do you do -
What do we do -

2005-05-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

Spinning in the dark
I think of her
Thoughs launch in the dark
And the beyond and the beauty
come to me.

I fly between the setting sun
and the twilight
The landscape of my mind
pulses with life

She is smoke
She is rumor
Her hand across my chest
Radiating hear and thought.
I scream silently
Hurricanes enrage my neurons
And enlightment descends

the dream so healing realized
the cascade of healing pouring
over jme
Stumbling over the threshold of happiness
Into my fondest wish
Gently shoving passed my disbelief
Crying to the sky
For that which is complete...

To Crazy Jess

2005-05-18T05:28:00.001-07:00

You were the best, oh Crazy Jess
Rockin' your rocket "the Tiggeroo"
And my spirits too

The wind was a competitor
The smoke a faithful friend
Out rides were our chariots
To jetison the Within

We lay seige to social keeps
Wasted entire hordes
Your beauty seduced the chaste
My minds unlaced their harms

And, Crazy Jess, we tore away
The veneers of Nalerie and Valentino
Only there was nothing underneath
Just you, me & vino.

Lost to me, you are so well
For I let go the comet's tail
The better to avoid the impact, the kill
But oh heavily sung victories we had,
dead Jess
And towards the heavens you have fled.

2005-05-18T05:28:00.000-07:00

The first light at night
Come so far, swinging
Through the tunnel, beyong the jungle
Screams to beat the band

It the tenor, responsibility
Soprano, the lute of love
Alto, admonishing responsibility
And bass, the devil in my face

Life creeps up through the spine
Hand clenched toward the Devine
With the pain of living

"What do I do??"
"Who am I??"

And then my eyes and breath
Are taken from me
In the middle of the night
"It can't happen to me,"
"I fight the good fight"

But it's all too real
Broken noses, and slashed hearts.
There are only so many to count
Before darkness comes again.

Drinking Toast I

2005-05-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

To Desiree the Tattler
To Mary the Witch
To Chrissy the Harlot
To Antonia the Grinch
To Ole Raina the Tale Tella'
To Tina the Rich
To Chrissy the Harlot
And to Glynda the Lovely

Drink up ye one
Drink up ye all
Before one more of these
Comes to the door
They'll take yer money
They'll take yer time
But don't ever let 'em
Take you blessed wine

For you best be sharin'
With all those fine women.
For they be the best of the best.
Come through for ya, scrag the rest.

So drink ye long
And drink ye much
And remember good to give the good wine
To that loyal and delightful bunch.

Prayer Before Bed

2005-05-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

And my evening prayer is this
Good night my little OMMMS, sleep well
Today I live, and to-morrow may I still
Friends and family all blessings assured
That we all rise to greet the Sun when stirred.

To those who travel to the West
Good journey to you
Your home is now our hearts
We'll see you soon.

The food we ate, and the wine we drank
The debt we owe, and the chance we take
Are nothing at all, without our faith

Blessed be.

5/17/05

Conrad's forgotten

2005-05-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

You stare at me
From far away
You stare at me
How does this work exaclty-

I look over and see the dark eyes
The lush jungle of your life
Undulates and lets parrots fly
There is a tiger patrolling for strife.

I'm no great hunter
Very far from that
And in these sacred places
I've my waters fill

The dark mountains carrying the mist of wisdom
Mystic eyes as rainbows of insight's sky
Captured stillness in the cool pools of thought
And just beyond the canopy the inviting unknown.

The exploration just begun
As I come undone
And law down next to the trees
For all creatures to see
And return by closing my eyes
To rejoin the skies
Carried by parrot cries

Four of Diamond

2005-05-13T05:50:00.000-07:00

There was once a woman
Who lived as she pleased
and when i met this woman
Many things I did see

She danced around the fire
Naked as could be
And when I met her she smirked
And said, "come dance with me"

Seems like I meet
A lot of women like that
But I have forgotten how to dance
I've gotten complacent and fat

So when I meet a woman
Who puts fire in my brain
I stammer and stutter and flutter something fierce
And walk away in shame

For my empire used to be great
And I ruled for what seemed forever.
And one foot in exile is what I have now
Will I be free of this scar, never.

What shall I accomplish??
What shall I do now??
For now I builds those very fires
Which those women dance around.

And I watch them dance and watch them sing
Naked are they for all to see
But very few, if any have said,
"Come dance with me"

And now I think that I may just turn
Those tables of fables made around the big burn
For I think next time, the bodies move towards me
I shall extend me hand and slyly say, "Come dance with me"

Soup to Self

2005-05-13T05:43:00.000-07:00

I.
I'm not gonna bite ya
Not yet anyway

Can't figure it out
The echoes that you say

They whisper and float
Once they leave your throat
And stay with me all day

II.
Fabulous round nebulas of thought
Are what comes to me in the dark
But revealing the veil of you seems daunting

I drink of the possibility and wonder
If I could be that way

Too much to ponder, too much to escape
So much to break through
I don't bet on myself too too often

Rising to crouch over the city of my mind
I can't help but feel the frustraiton inside.
And it's only small and my doubt races by -
"What will I do, when this well runs dry??"

III.

Reprise that which falls from my eyes
Into the bowl of eloquence
And think, "I am more than this..."
"Why have I not become so??"

Pain in my heart
The salve of time works slowly
And this is the way it should be??
To invite and nurture this turmoil ??
Like taking my first steps.

IV.
Closing with resolution
Is always my way
To come full circle
Can this be the only way to end my day and never again speak names
of things and people which evoke me -
The train of revolution is leaving the station...
Did I buy my ticket??

Twinkle Fear

2005-05-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

Note: You can kind of sing this toSublime's"Smoke Two Joints". I would try it with and without it.

when the stars go out in the moring
i go to sleep afraid
when the stars go out in the morning
i awake to find the day

when the stars go out in the morning
i can't help be afraid
that when i go to sleep
and count 'dem sheep
the stars won't be here today.

when the stars go out in the morning
i work my ass to shreds
when the stars go out in the morning
can't seem to leave my bed

when the stars go out in the morning
there's only one thought there
that i will be with you and the blue moon too
feel your breath and the way you croon
And wish through a thousand kisses that you'd stay

when the stars go out in the morning
i can't help be afraid
that there won't be stars at night no more
that you won't return like the night before
and my whole world will go astray.

when the stars come out at night
i breathe a lasting sigh
because my blanket of comfort
and my lady of love for
have returned to me again.

To my friend S.G., the rambler:

2005-04-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Ah, my friend, my friend.
Would you believe
It's been 7 years.
Every letter of yours I found last night.
What a find.
The tomultuous torment of distanced ecstacy.
The pouring of rage and sorrow.
These were the seeds of something greater than ourselves.
You and I, though long we part
Meet in another place, close to my heart.

And ours paths have parted
And met again.
Addiction.
Dysfunction.
Redemption.
Crying into the darkness for the voice that is you.
And you answered.
And vice versa.
These lonely things
These unspoken and forbidden rose to become our foundation.
From the forbidden came the sacred.
From the sacriligious came the worshipful
And through it all wehave stayed and turned and grown and become
More and often times less than we are now.

To your continuous journey
Which again leads you South.
And to mine,
Out of exile
May we both be complete,
relpleat,
and "H" word
(that we dare not speak aloud)

happy....

some day...

good journey, my friend.
be well.

2005-04-28T07:16:00.001-07:00

all things relative
all is nothing and all things to everything
sit in the dark and watch the darkness of the room reach out
to the corners.
it reches you and you wonder what it can be as it grabs you
and devours you whole until you are in its stomach
raechel welch is down there with you.
you see eachother
you don't know who you are except
what;s going on around you is far from the the boundaries of your
scooby-doo sheets
lizard men dance around a fire far beneath you.
where your feet are
you see them
in the crack in the floor
the shadows throw you through the wall because you leap at
the sight of your own hand brushing your hair back.
creeping down steps to the left
trying 2 make noise to get attention
that's all you've wanted up til now.
but no. they dance to the drums with the ancients
the skins of their enemies wound and strung tightly over them.
the air is tribal.
you feel your heart pounding.
out of yuor chest, slowly, it comes.
your neck crinks.
you walk funny.
your skin turns clammy.
you leap out and dance around the
incinerating mounds of ashes and logs crumpling under four hundred degrees.
raechel stands silent.
waiting for the murderous frenzy to begin.
she awaits the repping leathery sound of flesh being torn by razor-sharp nails.
but no.
all she sees is the hunt dance.
stomping feet await the hardness of the ground in order to reset position
and thunder again
so that Leviathan complains.
faster and faster
round and round
the endless cycle fo movement
hearts beating sweat
anger
movement
fast faster
round round
all things to nothing, float through raechels's mind.
she wonders not.
her instinct takes over -
IT SEES
a hundred nights under the moon,
the plains on which her ancestors romped the earth in heated passion towards the gods and howled towards the eternal Gates of Mordor to the lights and stars
and in the jungle heat
heard the screeching of the birds as they pierced the night
this cry sends a flicker of anger throught the eyes of the hunters to all their prey.

and the eye closes...

4/93

2005-04-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

WE break into this hollow ground and see that which consumes us. For we simply, are here. And that's all. We are herew. What we are - this crude flesh upon us Not so to be. Look around you. Look. What do you see?? People, places, faces. Forever in silence we sit until that fateful day, when it will be out turn and so as we do. To go forth in thereis to descend. The ultimate humblement. Forever.
Now look again. At yourselves. At him. At her. At them. at me. To ourselves we would say nothing as it be holdeth to us. We walk away in silence of out tears. We gaze now and forever at the star in that eye and watch it.
May it never grow dark, as so many a heart does to the problems of this world. For all eternity to rest and all to say...nothing.

1/91

Folding Kelley Williamson

2005-04-25T05:45:00.000-07:00

Slide your fingers over the strings
Listening to the microscopic scratching it brings
Ridged fingers and moving air,
Play the song of possiblity.

Rising on both sides,
Through you eyes
The guitar's voice rushes you into my heart and flutters
Banging against the walls to free itself.

And as the silence closes its hand around the moment
I feel my breath in your pocket
And you take it with you.
Until next we meet.

Down the Neck

2005-04-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

[Lyrics by A.P. and me
Chorus by me]

Ancient Symbols
Inscribed in Flesh

Warding of the inevitable
Slowing down Destiny

Smile as the steal sticks in & out
Leaving meaningless scars in black.

Stretch your neck out and
Wait to receive the gift in ink.

Scaring for life
No way to make it vanish

A life of believed protection
For a moments pain

Chorus
The evil eye watches
The monkey's paw twitches
The protection from evil we seek
Is found in symbols of ourselves
Incatations swirl from our mouths
To protect us from the fall
Where would we be without these??

Lost in the blackness (2x)

2005-04-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

Waiting, waiting, for her return
Seems like, at the end of it all
That's all I can ever do.

I go do my thing. She moves on it her life.
And we come back together so briefly.

How many times has my heart written letters??
How many times was she conjured in my room??
Did she know she was visiting??
Could I reach the far away land and touch her cheek??
Would we ever be together??

My whispers to her are in the greenest reeeds
She told me once not to turn around
As I left.
Lest I see her weeping for us.

Or is it with absence of another
She seems the only choice
Is it re-occurring infatuating, or
The silt clearing out of the water to reflect true.

When will I know??
Will I know??
What will tell me so??
Will it be the stars?? Her eyes??
Tarot cards?? Reactions to other guys??
Things I can't buy??

Or will I ever know??
Will this paradoxical conundrum tattoo, fade and return
Saying simply here I am
The biggest thing in your past.

For the present I have not
And God knows why I never understand.
Screaming simplicity and love, I reach
Into the darkness for that
Which is unknown, plausible, yet improbable.

But it makes me smile and it's ok it nothing comes.
For once, long ago, we had something indescribably simple.
Enough to make even me smile.
Can anything else in this world be as sweet as that or her??

2005-04-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

Sitting on my pen really hurts
Like a quill in the ass
In the rain.

Holding a flood back, like a damn liar
Trying to keep the final retreat
of peace that has left.

No self respect. No dignity.
No desparation can one despise him

fo what he has done, and not done.
Unknown but to his heart and semi-lucid mind.

For the clouds of caring and love
Shift their percipitation and regulation
To favor the happiness of her.

And so he lies. She will not be happy
With the truth
And that's what matters
Is that she's happy.

Dad (performance piece)

2005-04-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Dad,
Come over here and kneel down.

Sit still while I claw your facee
Don't move while I slap you.

Oh you don't think it should be done.
Cuz you're the dad. That's not respectful.

Let's role play...you be the son
You fuckin'goddamnpieveofshitsonofabitch
YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.
YOU WILL NEVER BE ME
YOU WILL NEVER BE

ok.
I'm done.
You can go now.

I love you....Son.

Ace

2005-04-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

I
You were in my life like an idol
worshipped by many, always close

Never could figure you out
My silent avatar

Make me the man I am
And never knew it.

II
You wished you had been better
You wished you had been strong.
But revealing your weakness
Was the most binding thing to me.

III
The Great Spirit called you home
To the stars.
Over the horizon and sky, you skipped afar.
And per chance to wave with lightening.

IV
So, brother, I wish you here.
To knead my darkness and quell my doubt
But you won't come
And its not that you don't want to
Even though I think it's because you don't want to.
You Bastard!!

You left me with the darkness all becoming
I am a spiritual vegetable without you
A shell upon the earth waiting for death to
Make me feel worthy to rejoin you.

finding peace took you to Hell
It's something I cannot do without you.
Putting my head against the wall, crying, wet.

V
Feeling you near
Watching flies, thining you've come back to keep me company.

Crying, knowing you're not here.
Sobbing, wishing you here
Crying out for you again.
To be alive and shake the dead.

VI
Prophesising your return
Does me no good
My friends turn and run
And I am alone again to brood.

VII
Come back to me brother.
Come back to friendly hearts and warm breasts.
Where family is all that mattered
And your welcome is never emptied.

Why...Because

2005-04-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

This age old exchange is brought to you as the answer-free response to the conundrum of why I will be posting my writings on this particular blog. Constructive criticism is welcome. All photos posted on this blog will be mine.
"Welcome my friends, to the show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside..."